Blog

When Can I Be Around Alcohol Again?

John Guldner, LPC, ADC-I

November 9, 2020

So many of my clients have asked me when they are ready to be around alcohol. They know for themselves that returning to drinking would likely result in the same pain and dysfunction they experienced in the past. Yet, they want to be able to hang out with friends, go to concerts and sporting events, and go on dates in places where people drink. The last thing they want is to jeopardize all the work they have put into their recovery, and at the same time, don’t want to feel like they have to deprive themselves of experiences important to them. So how do you know?

The short answer is: it depends. What it ultimately comes down to is whether, when being truly open and honest with yourself and your sober supports, you can confidently say you are in a place to test the waters. How might you know? Here are a few questions to ask yourself.

· How many relapse prevention skills can you rattle off without thinking?

· Of those, how many have you honed into effective tools?

· What are your triggers and warning signs to relapse? (Many of these can be unique to you, and may not have a direct connection with drinking, ie. the cologne or perfume an old flame used to wear who drank with you.)

· What are the concrete steps you have mastered to plan for any upcoming events or interactions that could leave you vulnerable to relapse?

· How many people do you have that you know you can call if thoughts and urges to drink arise?

· Are you comfortable saying no to a drink, regardless of the circumstances?

· How willing are you to change your mind if a stressor or an urge challenges your certainty in the moment?

This is by no means an exhaustive list, though it helps to determine just how ironclad your development of, and commitment to, your recovery really is. It is also the case for some, through painful trial and error, that they cannot continue to lead the life of recovery for which they had originally hoped, even with a strong relapse prevention plan.

Another important consideration is how important it is for you to have a life that includes people drinking around you. Since alcohol is so pervasive in our society, it can be difficult to realize there are many whose everyday day lives don’t include those types of triggers. They have found a network of friends and family, along with hobbies, careers, and passions that don’t revolve around alcohol. There are also a lot of people who live like this that have never faced the challenge of addiction. While there are those in recovery who have successfully returned to a lifestyle that includes people, places, and things that involve drinking, there are others who found an incredible alcohol-free life they never knew existed. It would be worth talking to others in long-term recovery about the type of life they have created for themselves.

Ok, so you’re confident about your ability to resist the temptation to drink, and you know you want a life that includes others drinking around you. What next? The most important thing is to start small. As with any of the skills you have developed, it is best to learn in the least stressful environment possible. This could mean attending a small get together of close supportive friends. You can let them know you’re testing your resiliency, so that it will feel less awkward if you need to leave the situation. Perhaps try a low stress event, where it is easy to leave if thoughts or urges arise. You can create a plan with your therapist that is unique to your life experience. It will be essential to communicate with your sober supports before, during and after each of these test events. Even more important, do NOT assume that because you weren’t triggered one time, that it won’t happen the next time. So much can change between these events that could increase your susceptibility. Also, there may be triggers that you had been previously unable to anticipate. Be mindful of where your thoughts go throughout each of these experiments. Actively challenge any thoughts of drinking in the moment whenever possible.

Hopefully, these insights will help you on your path toward building the life you are seeking. You have worked hard to get where you are in your recovery, and you deserve to be happy. Continue to be vigilant and mindful, and always remember- one day at a time.